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Painting in the Garden (Revised)

..........Painting in the GardenI used to spend so long on foliage, dotby dot, I'd Seuratize the leaves.You changedall that. Thank heaven for a Master knowing what was what, and how affairs can be...

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Re: Painting in the Garden (Revised)

Art is the lie that makes us realize the truth: PicassoI like this sonnet a lot. Let me nibble on the niggling nits:L3 has too many syllabubbles for me.L5 and 7: "deft" doesn't apply well to "plan"...

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Re: Painting in the Garden (Revised)

Hey folks,Has no-one noticed this - what about the wonderful sestet - what a conceit - drawing a parallel between how we construct our desire in the same way we reconstruct reality from dabs of...

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Re: Painting in the Garden (Revised)

Maz..What a neat little work of art.I like the dot/by dot, what/ was what end and internal rhymes and find the enjambment and consistant meter help focus on the overall message---which is...

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Re: Painting in the Garden (Revised)

Yes, Maz--the ending is incredible, but lines three through five have problems, worse than mere meter. "Thank God" does bring in the idea of the Creation, but so tangentally that I fear the...

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Re: Painting in the Garden (Revised)

Maz: The lyrical quality creates a halo effect for me that does not allow criticism. That, for what it's worth, is high praise.appreciatively, Fran

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Re: Painting in the Garden (Revised)

Thanks so much for all your comments. I'm going to revise this again. The more I look at it, the more the plan/hand rhyme stands out like a sore thumb amidst the perfect rhymes. I remember someone...

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Re: Painting in the Garden (Revised)

I like an ingenious and well-maintained conceit, and this poem does it.

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